if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
