id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
