So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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