It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i've created a new STD.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
