My sheets look like a crime scene.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize