guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
