I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
