sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
