As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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