Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
