I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
