I don't usually arrange sex via text message
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I want her autograph on my taint
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
