K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
