Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize