She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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