I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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