Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I stole a fireplace last night.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
