12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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