So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
