girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
What a dumb baby whore.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
