Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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