I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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