you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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