How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
