NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm bleeding and have questions
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
