He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
