felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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