Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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