I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
