Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
