My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
