If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
