Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
