I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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