Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
