sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
