I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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