did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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