At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
