awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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