Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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