I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
