Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
