Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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