you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
