you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
