so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I am one with the molecules
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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