She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
