why didn't you poke me back
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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