my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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