420 ftw
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
