Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
