My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize