"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
