I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
