No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
