tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
