Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
