...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
