girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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