i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
