It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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