You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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