So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
