2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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