so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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