just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
