there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
