u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
