I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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