i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
