it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I FOUND THE LEGS
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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