You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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