So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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